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Colonel 100 diary

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Colonel 100 diary

Post by M0derator on 23rd January 2013, 01:37


Woke up 15:00 hours. Bucket was full, went outside to empty it.
Colours were odd, lacked the blue hue I'm used to seeing. Had to wear
sunglasses, light hurt my eyes. Doesn't quite blind like sun in game,
also couldn't see any lens flares, wrong time of day maybe. Checked
bushes around dookie pit, no recons found, will try again tomorrow.



Went outside again today, 2nd time this month already, I think I'm getting a tan, could just be the light.

Supermarket trip, ran out of Red Bull and microwave pizza's. I think
a girl looked at me! I told my mom they would be impressed by my
"noobtube" tshirt!

Old woman cut me off driving home, thought about jihad ramming but I think they perma ban for TK'ing.



Life is becoming intolerable in this house. My internet connection
is constantly lagging because my mother is posting 100's of pictures of
her dogs on facebook. She just doesn't seem to understand how important
Battlefield is, I have global rankings and a reputation to keep!

Just last night I was dog fighting with someone, mother must have
been uploading more pictures because I lagged out crashing into the
ground. He called me a noob, there is now a large fist sized hole in my
wall. I just can't take this any more. Maybe I should start looking for a
place of my own. Possibly getting too old to live here anyway, turn 30
next year.

Went outside to blow off some steam, saw rustling in the
bushes...approached slowly, knife in hand, turned out it was just the
neighbors dog, they didn't seem too amused.



Dear diary, today was the most amazing day ever! It started just
like any other day, woke up around 14:00, had my cup of coffee and some
pop tarts to get me ready to start a day of pure battlefield skill n'

To start my tour of duty for the day I joined a conquest 64
Damavand Peak server to warm up with some tank fun. As soon as I spawned
I ran straight for the tank but I was beaten to it, by a girl! I mean,
girls can't play Battlefield!? Not the best start to the day! I thought
I'd try to be a teamplayer for once so I helped repair. Boy was I wrong,
she was pwning noobs everwhere, the enemy tank couldn't even seem to
see us let alone hit us. By the end of the round with our combined leet
skills we had almost 200 kills between us! I sent her a friend request
after the match and she accepted! We talked for a while and she promised
that if I would keep repairing for her she would go on cam for me!!
Finally a girl who appreciates me for who I am. Oh CelticGirly, I think
I'm in love.



Who ever would of thought I could have topped yesterday! My parents
were away for the weekend so I had the house to myself for two whole
days! Party time! Broke out the booze and the party snacks I had been
saving for just such an occasion, time to get my battlefield on! Hells
yeah! After my 3rd beer I was flying and noobs were dying, hackusations
everywhere. Get on my level nubs.

After 24 straight hours of epic skills and many dead noobs I needed a
rest. My best friend, another rank 100 elite master race directed me to
a website where I could find the "ultimate girlfriend experience" for
less than £100 an hour! What better way to finish off my epic party
weekend, 24 hours of pure skills battlefield party epicness and losing
my virginity, all in one weekend, life is good! Whoever said 100
colonels have no life!



Dear diary, every day it's the same story, angry noobs crying
hacker, no life, loser, virgin, nerd, blah blah blah. I used to get
slightly offended at this but then today I had an epiphany, it's all
just jealousy! It takes long long hours, hard work, dedication with a
LOT of blood, sweat and tears to get to this level. I've had to make
huge personal sacrifices to get to this level and it hasn't been easy!
We just don't get the respect or recognition that we deserve. Like other
athletes it requires a special diet to give us the energy we need
whilst allowing the time to train and practice. We're professionals for
crying out loud, god damn artists! Did they hate Leonardo da Vinci when
he painted the Mona Lisa or Michelango's ceiling in the Sistine Chapel?
No! No-life loser virgin nerds? Pah! Jealousy, get on my level noobs!

P.S. My woodland camo fleshlight arrived this morning, I got a feelling that tonight's gonna be a good night!



Dear diary, oh how I have missed you. Today they have finally
released me on a "probationary" basis. Apparently I suffer from
excessive "stress" and "anger management" issues. Some people just don't
understand what it's like watching my friends and comrades fall in
combat. The stress and hard work that goes in to maintaining my rankings
and image in the community as a leader, an icon of hope for all the
noobs out there that they might one day be able to be like me, or at
least have the honor of being in my squad. I'll have to ease myself back
in to the fight after being away for so long. My psychiatrist insists
that in order to prevent further issues arising I should cut down my
time on the Battlefield from 12 hours+ per day to a more manageable 2/3
at most...yeah right, that's like telling a professional athlete he
can't train more than an hour a week. Idiots, what do they know.


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